What we risk by giving shallow advice

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   Most of the time, the Bible feels like a lifeline, especially when one feels trapped in a situation or wounded. I think it should just be so. But even Scripture, when misapplied, can lead to further hurt. It may sound odd to say that, but some of the most life-changing truths in Scripture are often misused, especially when given without much thought or prayer, or even pastoral care.

    One, for example, is Matthew 10:37–39. I have heard it used more times than I can count. “Anyone who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.” It is the Lord’s command, and no one has the right to water it down. But I have observed this verse being used far too quickly in response to conflict. I have seen Christians encouraged to leave their families behind at the first sign of opposition. What many forget, however, is that this passage was not given so that we can justify resentment or spiritual pride. It was spoken in the context of true discipleship, where Christ is supreme, and love remains steadfast, even to those who oppose us. 

    I say that because before someone chooses to walk away, the right question must be asked: What have you done first? 

    Have you shared the Gospel with them, not just once, but patiently, with all your might and prayerfully? Are they even Christians, or are they walking blindly and need your light? How long have you waited? How long have you prayed? Some believers have endured for years, pleading in tears for their parents, siblings, or children. Others have stayed silent and stood only when insulted, not realizing that their silence or pride may have deepened the gap. When they opposed your faith, did you explain it gently, or did you snap back? Did you show them the Christ who died for them, even while they remained hostile?

    Every believer must come to a place of self-conviction. I cannot say you must stay or that you must leave. But I can say this: do not rush to either. Do not despise the sacrifice if you have chosen to stay, and do not despise the sorrow of walking away if you had no other choice. Many believers say, “You should have just left them,” while others argue, “You should have endured longer.” But only the one carrying the burden knows how heavy it truly is. Let each person weigh the matter before God, with accountability and honest self-reflection.

    If you feel the time has come to focus on outside ministry, ask yourself again: Did I truly do my part as a Christian inside the home? Have I sacrificed in love, or did I just get tired of trying? Of course, obedience to Christ is not measured by effort alone. There are clear biblical commands that require immediate action. If the Lord calls someone to take a step of separation or bold obedience, that step must be taken in trust. But even when obedience must be swift, it must never be careless. Let the decision come from prayer. There are indeed situations, such as abuse or relentless hostility, where immediate separation may be necessary as a way to preserve life and faithfulness to God. In such cases, enduring longer may not be what God requires.

    But sometimes the problem is not the verse. Sometimes, it is the heart that wields it. If we are not watchful, we can use Scripture like a sword against the very people Christ calls us to love. The same applies to verses such as “Do not be unequally yoked” or “Shake the dust off your feet.” Because they are not meant to be uttered in passing. They require spiritual discernment, and above all, a heart that truly loves others and trembles at the Word of God. Scripture must remain central to every conversation. But centrality does not mean simplicity. We must speak it in season and with reverence, ensuring that it is rightly divided and humbly applied (2 Tim 2:15). This does not mean we should hesitate to speak God’s Word. Scripture remains the final authority. But it must be spoken in a way that reflects both its power and its purpose, to correct and restore (2 Tim 3:16–17).

    There are also moments when it is not just a verse that is misused, but an entire approach to suffering. A believer might say they are depressed, and someone quickly responds with, “Do not put on your hands what only God can handle,” or “Just have more faith,” or “You should not worry about things beyond your control.” Sometimes, verses such as “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Pet 5:7) or “Do not be anxious about anything” (Phil 4:6) are just offered too quickly, as if quoting them alone should resolve the gravity someone bears. Those may indeed come from a heart of care, but they often disregard the fact that the person might already know that. They are simply processing the burden, not rejecting God's truth. They may still be walking with God, just limping for a time. And perhaps they are not asking for a theological answer but simply for someone to listen without direct judgment. When we answer too quickly, we miss the full picture of what they are bearing. Even when Scripture is true, it must be timed and tempered.

    So, if we give advice, let us not merely hand out verses. Let us not be content with being right. If our counsel lacks prayer and sincere compassion, we may speak what is correct in principle yet cause a brother to stumble in practice. And if we are the ones seeking counsel, let us not rest on one verse or one voice. Speak with elders or pastors. Or with someone whose walk has been tested and proven in faith. That is one reason they are placed in our lives, for our spiritual safety. At the same time, each believer must take ownership of their own walk with God. Even when advice is sincere, it must be measured carefully and tested against the truth of Scripture. The Spirit gives wisdom to those who ask (Jas 1:5), and that discernment is a sign of maturity.

    Most of all, do not cease to seek wisdom from the throne of grace. There is no danger in doing so. Scripture is not a shortcut. It is the very breath of God. And the ability to apply it rightly comes only from Him. Let us then handle His word with reverence. Let us not be swift to speak when God calls us to wait, or even to weep. A wise counselor will not end with quoting a verse but will remain with a brother, helping him to walk through its meaning with patience and love.