What we risk by giving shallow advice

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    There are times when the Bible feels like a lifeline, especially when one feels trapped, wounded, or rejected. But even Scripture, when mishandled, can lead to further hurt. It may sound odd to say that, but some of the most life-changing truths in Scripture are often misused, especially when offered without thought, prayer, or pastoral care.

    I have heard Matthew 10:37–39 used more times than I can count. “Anyone who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.” It is the Lord’s command, and no one has the right to water it down. But I have observed this verse being used far too quickly in response to conflict. I have seen Christians encouraged to leave their families behind at the first sign of opposition. That may sound strong, but it happens, especially in families where beliefs clash. What many forget, however, is that this passage was not given so that we can justify resentment or spiritual pride. It was spoken in the context of true discipleship, where Christ is supreme, and love remains steadfast—even to those who oppose us.

    Before someone chooses to walk away, the right question must be asked: what have you done first?

    Have you shared the Gospel with them, not just once, but patiently, prayerfully, and with tenderness? Are they even Christians, or are they walking blindly and need your light? How long have you waited? How long have you prayed? Some believers have endured for years, pleading in tears for their parents, siblings, or children. Others have stayed quiet and responded only when insulted, not realizing that their silence or pride may have deepened the gap. When they opposed your faith, did you explain it gently, or did you snap back? Did you show them the Christ who died for them, even while they remained hostile?

    There are no easy answers to these questions. Every believer must come to a place of self-conviction. I cannot say you must stay or that you must leave. But I can say this: do not rush to either. Do not despise the sacrifice if you have chosen to remain, and do not despise the sorrow of walking away if you had no other choice. Many believers say, “You should have just left them,” while others argue, “You should have endured longer.” But only the one carrying the burden knows how heavy it truly is. Let each person weigh the matter before God, with prayer, accountability, and honest self-reflection.

    If you feel the time has come to focus on outside ministry, ask yourself again: did I truly do my part as a Christian inside the home? Have I sacrificed in love, or did I just get tired of trying?

    Sometimes the problem is not the verse. Sometimes, it is the heart that wields it. If we are not careful, we can use Scripture like a sword against the very people Christ calls us to love. The same applies to verses such as “Do not be unequally yoked” or “Shake the dust off your feet.” These are true. But they are not meant to be uttered in passing. They require explanation, spiritual discernment, and above all, a heart that truly loves others and trembles at the Word of God.

    There are also moments when it is not just a verse that is misused, but an entire approach to suffering. A believer might say they are depressed, and someone quickly responds with, “Do not put on your hands what only God can handle,” or “Just have more faith,” or “You should not worry about things beyond your control.” Those may sound spiritual, and indeed may come from a heart of care, but they often disregard the fact that the person might already know that. They are simply processing the burden, not rejecting God's truth. They may still be walking with God, just limping for a time. And perhaps they are not asking for a theological answer but simply for someone to listen without judgment. When we respond too quickly, we miss the full picture of what they are carrying.

    So, if we give advice, let us not merely hand out verses. Let us not be content with being right. If our counsel lacks prayer, careful questions, and sincere compassion, we may speak what is correct in principle yet cause a brother to stumble in practice. And if we are the ones seeking counsel, let us not rest on one verse or one voice. Speak with elders. Speak with pastors. Or with someone whose walk has been tested and proven in faith. That is one reason they are placed in our lives—for our spiritual safety. Most of all, do not cease to seek wisdom from the throne of grace. There is no danger in doing so. Scripture is not a shortcut. It is the breath of God. And the ability to apply it rightly comes only from Him (Jas 1:5). Let us then handle His word with reverence. Let us not be swift to speak when God calls us to wait, or even to weep. A wise counselor will not end with quoting a verse but will remain with a brother, helping him to walk through its meaning with patience and love.