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| Black Grouse Courtship in the Alpine Foothills by Otto Recknagel (1845–1926). Public domain image accessed via Artvee.com. |
“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3, NKJV)
There may come a time when a godly single woman is no longer just waiting but weighing. A man expresses interest. Conversations deepen. Perhaps family or church members take notice. In these moments, the heart begins to ask serious questions: Could this be the man I am to walk with through life? Is this the beginning of a marriage, or merely a moment of distraction?
The world teaches women to date casually, to prioritize charm, and to follow their feelings. But Scripture teaches us to be watchful, to walk in wisdom, and to build on truth. The Christian woman does not entertain every suitor for curiosity’s sake. She considers with reverence what it would mean to bind her life to another’s. Courtship—whether that is the word used or not—should be approached with purpose, not presumption.
Weighing the Man and Watching the Fruit
A man may speak well, but what do his actions reveal? The woman who fears the Lord does not rush to conclusions. She watches. She prays. She pays attention to what others say, especially those who know him well. She asks questions of herself: Does he love Christ? Is his life marked by humility, repentance, and self-control? Does he lead by serving, or does he seek to be served?
Charm may appeal in the beginning, but it cannot sustain a covenant. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us that beauty fades. She must look deeper. If this man is to one day lead her, she must be certain he is led by Christ.
Guarding the Heart During Growing Affection
Emotions, once awakened, are difficult to restrain. The single woman who begins to hope for marriage must not allow imagination to run ahead of reality. She guards her heart not by becoming cold or distant, but by staying anchored in what is true. Affection may grow, but it must remain within the bounds of purity, clarity, and wise accountability.
The Song of Solomon repeats the warning: “Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases” (Song 2:7). Love that is stirred too soon often leads to compromise. When Christ is at the center, patience is possible—and purity is preserved.
Seeking Counsel and Welcoming Correction
A wise woman does not walk through this alone. She invites the counsel of those who know her and love her. Parents, pastors, mentors, and trusted friends should not be left in the dark. If they are concerned, she listens. If they rejoice, she takes note. Their insight is not infallible, but it may protect her from blindness in areas she cannot yet see.
Too many relationships grow in secrecy. But hidden things often grow in the dark for a reason. The woman who walks in the light, who invites others into her discernment process, walks more securely. “In the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Prov 11:14).
Staying Rooted in the Gospel, Not the Dream
Courtship may raise hopes of love, companionship, and the building of a future home. These are good things. But they must remain in their proper place. The Christian woman must not allow the dream of marriage to take the throne in her heart. Christ must remain there.
If the relationship ends, her hope does not end with it. If it continues toward marriage, she enters with eyes wide open and a heart still anchored in her first love—Christ. Courtship is not the goal. It is merely the path that may lead to a covenant. And even marriage, as precious as it is, is only a shadow of the greater union between Christ and His Bride (Eph 5:32).
A woman considering a man’s pursuit must walk carefully, not fearfully—trusting God’s providence without neglecting her responsibility to discern. Courtship is not a game, nor is it a guarantee. It is a weighty season that requires wisdom, patience, and prayer. If the Lord provides a godly man whose life bears fruit and whose leadership reflects Christ, she may proceed with humility. And if the path closes, she may still give thanks, knowing that her worth and her future rest in the hands of the One who never fails.
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